The article’s title says it all: I’m having second thoughts about continuing my PhD. 

As uncomfortable as this is to admit, the truth must be said. 

I’ve been putting a lot of thought into quitting my PhD and what might happen if I decide to drop out of the program.

I’m going to write vulnerably and honestly about the second thoughts I’m experiencing.

I hope what I share helps any of you who might also be thinking of quitting your PhD.

Where are my second thoughts about the PhD coming from?

I’ve known for about a year that my PhD is just serving as a parachute for me. In other words, it’s a strategy for me to have some security.

It’s a backup plan that enables me to take larger risks in life. 

If I don’t end up quitting my PhD and obtain a doctoral degree, I have less fear of taking some time to vagabond around the world with no end date.

This is because I’ll always have something to fall back on. Whether or not this is “logical” or a good enough reason to pursue a PhD is something I’m still thinking through.

It certainly feels logical, and a good enough reason to not ultimate quit my PhD.

But the more I get into writing my dissertation, the more difficult this argument is to defend. 

If I know that I probably don’t want to work in higher education, why am I busting my butt to pursue a degree in the field?

Why am I spending all this time reading and writing when I know I eventually just want to have my own business related to travel?

In truth, I don’t know…

Hence the second thoughts about my PhD.

But, if I’m not a PhD student, who am I?

This is something I battle with A LOT.

My whole life, I’ve thought of myself and have been treated as intelligent. As someone who seeks knowledge and is enthralled with learning.

I can’t help but think this is a huge reason for me continuing on in my PhD program.

Honestly, I wonder how much of a role this identity played in me deciding to get a PhD in the first place.

But, do I need to complete a PhD to be “intellectual”?

Do I really need the approval of a committee and a graduate school to validate my identity as a learner?

I know the answer to those questions is no.

Still, it’s so difficult to let go of something that seems so central to my identity.

I keep thinking, if I end up quitting my PhD and am no longer a formal student, then who am I?

More second thoughts…

The Bigger Issue

The last question speaks to what I think is the bigger issue causing me to have second thoughts about continuing in the PhD program.

I think I’m struggling with understanding myself and what I truly want. 

I’ve just begun to comprehend that I don’t need to match society’s ideas of success to actually be successful.

This is an important first step, for sure. But outside of no longer chasing society’s idea of success, this understanding doesn’t help me uncover who I am at my core.

Travel is definitely beginning to help me in this area. Yet I feel like I still have so much work to do in forming and establishing my identity.

Actually, while identity undoubtedly plays a role in the second thoughts I’m having about the PhD program, I think a lot it boils down to purpose

As overly used as the word has become, it’s such an important factor that I find myself needing to consider.

I’m fairly confident that my purpose involves helping people see the world.

For this, I am super grateful.

I know it’s not the case for everyone and I understand very well that it’s not something easy to realize.

That said, I don’t quite know how a PhD aligns with that. If I want to make a huge impact and give people the opportunity to experience different cultures–especially those who never thought it a possibility–how does writing a dissertation (that 5 people will read) to the tune of my committee help me get closer to this?

Any ideas are welcome here!

Where do my second thoughts about the PhD leave me?

Well, I don’t know where all these doubts about the PhD leave me.

I’m trying not to think too hard about the situation and go with what life presents me with. No doubt about it, this is easier said than done.

I’m currently in the recruiting stage of my dissertation and thus reaching out to potential participants. I plan to see how this all goes and then make the decision about continuing my PhD program from there.

If I’m able to successfully recruit participants, maybe that’s a sign that I should continue.

I’m not saying I’ll completely lock myself in if this is the case. But it is an important step that many doctoral students have difficulty with. As such, it might be a good idea to keep with the momentum.

If I’m able to recruit them, the next step is interviews.

Maybe speaking to participants about something I’m passionate about will reignite a fire under me? 

If not, though, I think it’s time for me to seriously evaluate whether I want to continue pursuing my PhD.

An inability to recruit participants means I’ll have to make major changes to the project and likely restart IRB.

That’s something I refuse to do…

Concluding Words

With all that said, I hope sharing the second thoughts I’m having about continuing my PhD helps you.

Whether you’re thinking about pursuing a PhD, have just started, or if you’re at the dissertation stage, I think it’s really important to consider your motives and whether those are good enough reasons for embarking on this journey that so many people seem to decide to stop.

Notice I didn’t say “give up”.

I’m writing this for myself as much as I am for you: quitting your Ph.D. does not mean you are giving up. It also does not mean you are a quitter.

It means you’ve likely thought about the benefits versus the disadvantages of continuing, and have made the decision that best suits you!

If you’re experiencing second thoughts about continuing your PhD or have in the past, let me know in the comments below.

I would appreciate the chance to learn from you. I hope this was helpful.

‘Till Next Time, Travel Friends!