Hello Travel Friends!
I’m back and excited to be reaching you all today.
Today I’m going to be writing about a recent experience I had taking a day off. The emotions this spurred were quite complex.
Though I was grateful for taking the day off, I felt guilty because I lied to my boss—I told her that I was not feeling well and was up all night because of it.
I felt guilty because I was going to be missing a few meetings and I called out once last month and took some vacation time during the same month.
In addition to feeling guilty, I felt paranoid that she would somehow find out. But at the same time, I felt happy!
Conflicting Emotions
I was happy because I had the day off, because I decided to go to the beach and spend the day there, and honestly just happy that I wasn’t in the office!
It was a great feeling: sitting on Miami Beach, hearing the waves clash against the sand, looking at the clear blue water and even going for a swim! All of it was great!
Yet, I felt sad.
I was sad because I realized this isn’t what I want. By “this” I mean experiencing the beauty of the beach on a weekday only when I call out of work, and even still, feeling all the negative emotions associated with missing work and lying to my boss.
An Alternate Life
I want to live my life and not have to worry about going to a workplace or answering to my boss or feeling scared she might find out I was not actually sick. It’s such a terrible feeling.
Have you ever felt that way about your job?
For me, the reason I felt this is because of the job. I just got to thinking and began to feel so trapped because I ultimately need the job to survive—at least I think I do… (Golden handcuffs?)
But what would it be like to just get out there in the world and explore? To live, not without any responsibility, but free of those psychological barriers to pure joy?
The insane thing about it all is that I don’t think it is impossible to live like this, at least for a period of life. From all the travel podcasts I listen to and the blogs I read, people are doing it!
Is it crazy? Maybe.
Will some people think I’m crazy for dropping “security” (stable paycheck, health insurance, etc.) to go out into the world without anything solidified? Perhaps.
But hey, it’s my life right? It’s a short one, and one that’s worth seeking as much enjoyment as possible.
Responsibilities
This is all so difficult to think of, though, when I remember all the responsibilities and duties I have here at home.
I don’t have kids, but I do have a dog. I have bills to pay, debt to cover…
I will admit, however, that as I write this, I realize that what I have is not that much responsibility. In other words, I can still make the life I envision happen. There’s nothing physically holding me back.
I’m in good health, I’m able to move around freely, I have some savings to back me up.
Yet it’s still so hard.
Why is this is so hard?
Oh, Society…
Society’s ideas about what success is—go to school, get a job, start a family, buy a house, etc.—are so powerful!
Even when I think I’m done caring about what the right choices are by society’s standards, I always doubt myself and revert back to doing things the traditional way.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to completely breakaway from societal notions of success, but I do feel like I’m working toward that point.
Questions to Ponder
Where are you on that spectrum?
Are you bogged down by what your family and society thinks is right? Are you starting to doubt it?
Are you completely done caring about that stuff?
I know answering these question isn’t easy because, let’s be honest, it fluctuates.
But I think it’s important that we’re at least thinking about it.
Why are we pursuing that job or degree? Are we really happy in our relationship or does it just provide security? Do we actually like what we do?
As much as I’m asking you, I’m asking myself.
Last Thoughts
What does all this mean for my current situation? I’m not too sure.
What I do know is that living how I live isn’t sustainable for my mental health. Sure, I would not classify myself as experiencing major depression, but does it really need to get that far for me to do something about it? I think not…
Anyways, I’ve ranted enough! If you’re still with me at this point, I appreciate you dearly and welcome you to leave a comment below. I love interacting with you all because I’m still learning all this myself and what better way to learn?
As cheesy as it sounds, we’re in this thing called life together!
’Till next time Travel Friends!
